Join Us
Connect with others and find support.
methodology-benefit methodology-benefit
About the Author
Categories
Sponsored
Search Directory

Keyword:
Specialties:
Fertility
Pregnancy
Birth
Postpartum Care
Pediatrics
Family Care
None Selected
State / Province:
City:
Zip:
lat
lon
Within Range (mi):
Featured Businesses

3 Big Blunders Fathers-to-Be Make that Keep Them Walking on Egg Shells

Posted on November 29th, 2013 by | 8 views

Being pregnant can be hard.  Living, caring for & supporting a pregnant woman can (arguably) be equally as hard.  Avoid these 3 mistakes as you navigate through this amazing journey called fatherhood, and I promise, it’ll be at least a little easier than it would otherwise.

If you’re like many fathers-to-be, it’s easy to mistakenly assume:

1. If You Can Only Say or Do the Right Thing, Your Pregnant Woman Will Be Happy

Well, the bad news is: It’s not quite so simple. 

The good news is: You can take the weight of that burden off your shoulders. 

You can shoot for making her happy, but remember that it’s not actually something you’re capable of controling.  (‘Cuz if you haven’t noticed by now, no matter how hard you try, she can always find something to be unhappy about&hellipWink As you’ll probably come to learn, noone can be a perfect parent. Likewise, when it comes to taking care of and dealing with a pregant woman, you aim for the stars,  do the best you can, and make your peace with wherever you land on the way.

2. Just Because She Complains About Something, That She Expects You to Be Able to Fix

This is a tough one, cuz many times you CAN fix it, and she appreciates it.  But then there are the times when you can’t... 

She says, “My back hurts,” so you offer to rub it.  Score one for you!

Then she says, “I’m thirsty...” so you get her some water.  Score two!  
And then she says, “I’m so sick of hearing about how 'eeeeeeaasy'  [insert best friend’s name] had it when she was pregnant,” so you say, “Well, then stop calling her to talk about it.”  

DANG! The glare and eye rolls let you know that, suddenly, your score has plummeted back to zero. 

What did you do wrong?  What else were you supposed to say?  Wasn’t that the obvious answer?  

Well…  Yes, perhaps it IS the logical answer, but (as you may have noticed) logic, is not what she is wanting in those moments.  What she is wanting in those moments is empathy.  Understanding.  Compassion...Even if she’s being kind of pissy about it.  

So what SHOULD you say?   
Ask yourself, “What is really important to her about what she’s saying?  What really matters?”  and then plug it in to this sentence:  “Is it that [fill in your best guess] is really important to you?” So, for the example above, “Is it that [understanding different people have different experiences] is really important to you?” or “Is it that [understanding your experience] is really important to you?”  

Now, try hard, but don't worry too much about how right your guesses are, because, chances are, she’ll say, “NO! What’s really important to me is [correct answer]” in which case, like a genius, you reply by saying, “Ohhhhh...so [insert correct answer] is really important to you."  By this point, you’ll probably see her take a deep breath, smile at you, and say, “Yes, exactly!”  

And like that, your score begins to climb again... Smile

3. Once She Finally Gets the Baby Out of Her, She’ll Go Back to How She Used to Be
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but in many ways, dealing with a demanding, irritable pregnant wife is actually excellent preparation for becoming a parent of a newborn and a toddler.  It actually doesn’t get any easier than this, at least not for quite a while.  So it’s super important to find effective ways to:

  • Communicate clearly about how you feel & what really matters to you in order to make sure “Message sent” = “Message Received”
  • Clear the air & reconnect after conflict (Bonus points if it involves make-up sex!)
  • Prioritize spending quality time together

The better you get at doing these things, the better off you’ll be when the baby comes. And in the meantime, maybe you can relax a little bit, say the "right" thing a little more often, and feel a little bit better prepared for this often-chellenging but oh-so-important new role you're stepping into as a father. 


 Wendy Garrido | Parenting Coach & MentorWendy Garrido is a parenting mentor for parents, coaches & conscious entrepreneurs.  To get your F.R.E.E. Reference Guide, “EXACTLY What to Say in 5 Stressful Situations” and receive monthly parenting articles to help you feel less stressed, more present and better-equipped to raise a confident, compassionate child who you ENJOY spending time with, visit www.StressLessMom.com

Ratings
Related Articles