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Sex After Baby - and my sweet spot surprise visit!

Posted on August 21st, 2014 by | 3 views

Call me crazy but my turn on is shared responsibility. It may sound like a snooze fest but it makes working on my marriage juicy.

Eight weeks post baby is what it took for us lovebirds to take the plunge. My hormones are okay, I've been horny. The hubs thinks my fourth trimester bod is sexy and has missed me like a monkey does bananas. I’d known my mama parts were healed and my man could use the stress relief - but there's just so much getting over it to do …

In alignment with my obsession for self-realization and right-relationship I just purchased a romance report for Neihl and I. Come to confirm we have opposing communication and energy-level styles. So, eight weeks - not half bad.

The report reveals we're a match in 2 out of 4 compatibility markers. Talking is tuff and energetically connecting is rough but we're financially aligned and sexually similar. You'd think, winner-winner-chicken-dinner, with that last one but there's a catch. Or two; the lesser that neither of us maintain a reserve of sexual energy because we live life so fullySmile

It's on point. We're typically challenged with feeling easily understood by each other and are usually out of sync when it comes to agreeing that our together-time is used efficiently and effectively. An embarrassing fail, we’re married, we're blessed with two sweet and adorable children! We love each other! Last thing we want to do is trade out precious baby-moon moments by being sad and complaining about our relationship.

Add in sleepless nights plus the additional organization necessary to get from point A to B and our relationship sometimes feels like a grind. Everyday we share moments of feeling hurt and irritated, confused and concerned. Still, with a goodnight kiss we're grateful it was a good day. Especially, kinda-sadly to say, on the ones that we spend less time in-person and get our fix through the phone. One thing for sure, I’m always stoked on my daily dose of generous massage by he who has more restless energy.

With the pressure of creating a happy family weighing on me it’s been easy to use the excuse of a new baby to keep my private parts, well, private. I’ve been allowing myself this phase to strengthen my commitment to standing up for myself without overreacting overkill. Gotta do what’s good for our lill Libra boy and go for harmony! I’ve been practicing holding the energy - breathing and expanding while riding it out. Kids are good about teaching this and sexual release would be cheating - only kidding.

During the quieter nursing sessions and while I lay my toddler down to sleep I’ve gotten back into the practice of opening and flushing my seven main energy centers. This cellular cleansing and comforting has been transferring outward. Yesterday I remained in an expanded state - all day long. Even when… Even when… Okay, you get itSmile Last night it paid off with the sometimes-delicious yet somewhat awkward lovemaking that reminded me of our sacred union.

The extraordinary surprise as we made gentle, nurturing love, while squished over to one side of our sleeping newborn, was that I got to relive the beauty and joy of birthing. Yes, I’m one of those crunchy moms who do things like choose natural birth. Both times, I was right there grinning through the ring of fire. So, a few soft plunges into me and I totally reconnected with the epic sweetness of my new baby crowning.

It all came back, that intensely satiating moment when his head passed through my canal. That first time I lifted my hand to meet the most scrumptious lill head that I now get to smell and kiss alllll-day-looooong. That open being coming through me - to open me, to open us. There he was again in my body’s memories - flooding me with love and devotion. Literally too as he rolled towards us to cuddle in against my bare side, perfectly.

During this baby-moon I’ve been using the power of a second child to strengthen my resolve to be an awesome mom. And to be an awesome mom it’s never been more clear that this takes being a stellar wife. Differences the hubby and I may have, our sexually arousing conversation last night hit the mark when I said that we both play the bully. We’ve seen hints that our two-year-old son takes to these habits, every now and again too. And can’t they all? Still, in my book, as independent and individual as our children are, there’s no act too small to reflect and take responsibility.

Not that old-paradigm responsibility where you play blame or beat yourself up. I’m taking new-style fifth dimension stuff. That is giving our imperfections a safe place to be seen and accepted. Acknowledging that we are in this together and that we are doing our best to remain aware of the rippling affect that our actions have on one another. Yes my friend, I’m taking about vulnerability equalling intimacy. You know the soul-baring drill, but do you practice it? Can you imagine setting aside space each week or even every single day to share back and forth with your partner what you take responsibility for?

This is what the hubs and I spontaneously did last night. Who knows, this dry spell could have gone on for months had he not jumped over our innocent co-sleeper with a powerfully honest apology. He honored that I’d been awesome all day long. I let it soak right in. I laid open, receiving. I felt the blossoming between my legs and enjoyed that. Wetness was welling.

Then I acknowledged that, yes I’m pretty awesome a lot of days (newborn, toddler, and all) and still I feel pushed around and wronged. I voiced that I believe criticalness is the ugliest personality trait in the whole world. I shared that I don’t want my boys to bear that cross because it makes people difficult to love. I’ve been that person. I was born to those people. I stated that I’m sure the critical trait has been alive and kicking throughout his ancestry. I made sure he understood that I don’t hold a grudge about his unconscious habits, praying he'd interrupt as,"I do want to screw!"

Of course, I went on. I told him that I’m able to take it less personally than I used to because I know that it’s a circumstance of his feeling overwhelmed. Thank heavens for the art of astrology because it’s through it I know that my honey is uniquely prone to overwhelm. Compassionempathy, invaluable shiz-nit!  Which is why I purchased said romance report. Still, I’m not sure what to do with information that says I have a “broken picker”, and was likely attracted to Neihl for chemistry rather than compatibility (always interesting banter). For now I'll go with, once again, it’s been revealed that I signed up for major growth and karmic clearing on this earth-walk.

And on I went with his full attention, as he used his strong arms to remain nakedly perched above my body, I shared my boundaries. I get to take care of me first and will be turned off when being told it’s not okay, in whatever fleeting moment and subtle language that shows up. I took myself off the hook and said that I’d no longer be the one to point out every time he is critical. I’m done. That’s the hypocrisy that I’ve tried to play off as funny and cute for a while, but it’s got no business here as I commit to being a strong mom.

That’s your job, I said. I’m in trust, I told him. You can recognize when you’re not being nice. At the end of the day though, you’ll find out whether I’m in the mood. If I’m not, the course of last night proves that some mutual responsibility-taking can quickly change that! It’s a matter of making space for it and truly using the many tools we have to bridge some real and challenging gaps.

So now, to have you, dear reader, really feelin' for me... The romance report outlined us as having the same sexual response; emotion / mental. As in, doing it just for the physicality of it doesn’t fulfill us. We need to feel loved and connected, while the the ways to get there  (talking and energetically aligning) are where we're stunted. Talk about a mind-fuck; that I can only imagine we all share to some degree!

Thank you, thank you for feeling my pain. Honestly though, I write this as I smile because the report didn’t share with us anything that we don't already know. It’s always empowering to be validated. I seek ways to experience this and make it my life’s mission to do the same for others. In fact, after a recent mom’s astrology party I left feeling blissfully in service as the words that followed me out the door were, “thank you for validating our motherhood!” Astrology, numerology, tarot, and my keen sensing are invaluable tools for validating your strengths and weaknesses, without one little bit of judgment! Yep, I'm a powerful mirror - as is your partner, and don't ever forget it.

As you can see, I’m a work in progress myself and am serious about finding the grace and humor within the hand that we’ve been dealt. For me, for him, for our boys and because I sure do love BIRTHING, new realities, the JUICY WOMAN WAY!

I'd love to help you get over your differences and reconnect with the love. My Juicy Woman Bundle will take you there!

Let's talk about sex baby ... Is there some getting over it that you'd like to do? Share Share Share ANYTHING and everything Below!

Article written by Nykole Coombs, AKA the "Sane Mama Mentor" at SaneMama.com where's all about being an awesome mom, juicy woman, and successful entrepreneur - all at once!

 

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